Alarming Tones

Every time I watch a cliché romantic Bollywood flick, I find myself wishing I could be one of those diligent, sound-sensitive, got-no-time-to-waste NRI people they always end up showing. The ones who wake up bang in sync with the alarm clock’s first bell, get right on their feet and robotically rush into the bathroom. Get dressed, do their morning pooja with long wet hair neatly pulled over one shoulder and eyes brimming with shraddha, and then slip into the busy streets on New York, striding happily, with a Starbucks Coffee to complete the look.  And even after all the morning propaganda manage to be one of the earliest people to reach the office and gain a promotion. I wish, I wish!

However, over all these years of my being, I’ve only managed to figure out that I have some sort of an inbuilt anti-alarm mechanism in me—and as much as I may try, alarms are never very successful in shaking me out of my sleep. Consequently, I’m more of the ‘oh shit phir late!’ people than the ‘perfect early morning Starbucks sippers’. All this, much to the annoyance to my mother.

The problem is quite simple and quite weird actually. It so happens that when the alarm in my phone goes off with a song, I somehow end up singing the song in my mind (complete with the right lyrics), and once it’s over, I end my mental crooning and get back to sleep. That’s about it.

And I’ve tried all sorts of songs. I mean ALL kinds of them. I’ve been through slow romantic numbers to wake me up slowly and peacefully (I sing, go all aww, and snuggle into the blanket to sleep again once it’s over). I’ve tried loud, hitting songs to wake me up all at once (I get bugged, switch off the alarm, set one for a later time, change the alarm tone to a softer, romantic number, sing along, go all aww, and snuggle into the blanket to sleep once again). I’ve tried simple melodies with no lyrics so that I don’t end up singing along and wake up (major failure, I begin to mentally waltz instead.)

And so, unlike most normal people, I don’t wake up to my alarm going off, I wake up to my irritated half-asleep brother kicking and shouting at me to put the damned thing off. Basically, my alarm’s never there to wake me up, it’s there to wake HIM up so that he can wake ME up. Pretty smooth system in place, eh?

Unfortunately, in all this effort to put myself out of Kumbhkaran inspired deep slumber, I don’t know just how many songs I’ve put my brother off. I know for one that he used to love Eminem’s Love the Way You Lie. Now all I get for playing it is a murderous look.

Now that he has put his foot down, I’ve realised the dire need for an alarm clock of Richie Rich stature, one that will wake you up, pull you out of your bed and drag you to the bathroom all by itself. And while I wait for an early diligent Starbucks sipper to invent that for me, I’ll just go snuggle up and catch up on my sleep.